Alive?

OK, so this really isn't true SVELT material...it had no where else to go. And no one else would appreciate it quite as much. So, as with much of this website, you'll learn to deal.

Consider the following situation...You and your mates are touring foreign lands aboard a clumsy jetliner swooshing through the skies of South America. Then (oops!) the plane crashes into a froze mountainside...pretty much the Patsy Cline story all over again.

I think you know where this is headed.

If, after crashing into the mountainside, we began being:

Consider then, if you will, the following question:
What would be the general response to the ingestion of certain teammates?

Rooney

Tough, filling, yet generates desire to eat own cousin soon after

Weasel

Amusing on palate early, then gastrically confusing and difficult to swallow, followed by violent involuntary gag reflex.

Kyle

One bite makes you VERY sleepy

Ebner

Boil two full weeks, then save anyway to sell to science. (Whoa! What had this guy been eating?)

Finkle

Wait an extra full day out of respect, then wrestle teammates for tongue for strength.

Nick

Exception to agreed-upon "no murder" rule made after his millionth loud, lengthy reference to Chicago's superior tradition of cannibalism.

Mack

Very strong second course

Purvis

Curiously unaffected by crash. Left in peace due to fear of intestinal haunting

Knapp

Wait a few more days. He may only be asleep

Hile

Keep alive until you get key rookey show stripper phone numbers

Tractor

Dress him for dinner, encourage him to practice for dinner, convince him to run all over the mountain before dinner, then never let him eat.

Merritt

Long fruitful life. Plane curiously headed to his place instead of vice-versa.

Sparky

East immediately or sleep with one eye open and wear fork-proof pajamas. A big dog must hunt.

Estep

Mix with cereal, meat and meat by-products. Makes up to 4,000,000 cans a day.

Casey

One bite: suddenly yearn for haggis instead.

Tree

Mix with water and baby oil. Makes unforgettable coffee. Also cleans carpet.

SVELTS

Healthy survival guaranteed...but a front row like this you really shouldn't eat all at once. "So...where the heck are our shades, you crazy survivor guys?"